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Tough Issues


How to Help Others Who Are Struggling with a Past Abortion

By Dr. David Reardon, Ph.D.

Here are some things you should and should not do when ministering to a person who is experiencing pain from their past abortion.

  • Do listen patiently. They are trying to sort out feelings.
  • Don’t shut them off by changing the subject.
  • Do reassure them that we all make mistakes, we all sin. However, all sin can be forgiven. God wants to forgive us
  • Don’t condemn them for making a bad or immoral choice.
  • Do allow them to vent their anger towards others.
  • Don’t encourage them to blame others for the abortion. But don’t push them to forgive others either, especially when they are in the initial stages of venting their anger and rage.
  • Do allow them to regret their choice. Remind them that we will all learn from our mistakes. Even a negative experience can be used to help others.
  • Don’t insist that they did the “right thing” or the “best thing” at the time.
  • Do encourage them to entrust their child completely to the care of God. Reassure them that on a spiritual level, their loss is only temporary. Someday they can be with their child in heaven, and they will be able to ask for, and receive their child’s forgiveness. Encourage them to attend post-abortion counseling at a local CPC.
  • Don’t leave them without encouraging them, over and over again, to find and accept the help of Post-abortion counselors or peer groups.
  • Deterrents to the Grieving Process after an Abortion

    by Dr. Teri Reiser

    1. There is no external evidence that a baby ever existed, so there is not proof that she was even pregnant. Her baby lives only in her heart and mind.

    2. There is no formal leave-taking or ritual for the mother, such as a funeral, where friends and loved ones can acknowledge her loss and share her grief.

    3. The woman may have no support system or a limited one because usually only a few people are told about the abortion(s). Or the people who encouraged her to abort don’t want to talk about it afterward. (“It’s done …… Get over it already!”)

    4. Although abortion is legal, she is not given permission to grieve openly in society. She often suffers in secret.

    5. The woman carries the guilt of ending her baby’s life. Many women can’t seem to forgive themselves; therefore, they live in pain and isolation.

    6. If she shares what she did with a loved one, she may experience rejection, disapproval, anger, humiliation, and harsh judgment. The reaction to her deed may prove to be devastating, especially when she is already feeling guilty and alone.

    7. At the time few professional counselors have been trained to take these women through the steps necessary for healing and reconciliation with God.

    8. Many abortion advocates provide little education to prepare the women for the tremendous sense of loss they will feel after the abortion(s).

    9. The grief cycle and its timing are different than with other types of losses. A woman may remain in a state of denial for years and postpone the grieving process.

    This confidential Bible study helps men and women who have experienced the guilt and shame of an abortion(s) to find hope and healing through the study of God’s Word! God wants you to live a life full of joy. That joy is found through healing. Healing is a journey. There are men and women who are willing to walk this journey hand in hand with you! You are not alone! Step out in faith and see what God has in store for you!

    Forgiven & Set Free is an 8 week Bible study for women.

    Healing a Father's Heart is an 8 week Bible study for men.

    Click here to find a Bible Study

    There are a growing number of locations where Acts of Grace Ministries is being offered. Select the location that is closest to you for help with your needs or feel free to email us at

    If you would like more information on Post Abortion issues or need help locating a support center in your area please go to

    Recommended Reading:

    Her Choice to Heal by Sydna Masse

    No One Told Me I Could Cry by Connie Nykiel (for teens)

    Total Forgiveness by R. T. Kendall

    Perdon (Total Forgiveness in Spanish) by R. T. Kendall

    Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

    For more information visit our Recommend Resources page.